(no subject)

[aleathiel]

UH. I've hit the wall. Academic meltdown.

For the first time in my life I'm approaching exams I don't know if I can pass. And that's not a good feeling.
don't feel you have to read this. I just need to say it



I'll be honest, I know I'm smart. I'm normally a modest person but I'm fucking proud of what I've achieved. I got ten A* and an A (in art!) at GCSE and four A at AS and three A at Alevel. And that was an A in every single module. You can't get better than that.

I got into Cambridge - arguably the best university in the country and certainly one of the best in the world. Not only did I get in, but they usually only accept 7 or 8 on this course. In my year they fought to have ten of us. And I'm proud they wanted me that much.

I expected the first term to be the hardest. I knew the work would be hard and was prepared to deal with it. I knew I was going to move from being easily the best to mediocre intellectually. I knew I was coming from a comprehensive in the back end of nowhere and mixing with kids from Eton and Harrow. And yet none of it was a problem.

So there's the good stuff. I now have exams in two weeks. For the first time ever I'm faced with going into an exam without knowing everything. However hard I work it won't be enough. I can hope to know enough to pass, but that's it. I've never had to strive just to pass before.

It's kinda weird. Feels like I've lost my balance and there's suddenly nothing left to hold on to.

Comments

[undrockroll.livejournal.com]

oh sweetpea, you're going to be just fine. just the fact that you are aware of how "unprepared" you feel is a sign that you really aren't *that* bad off :) you're obviously incredibley intelligent and level headed

[aleathiel.livejournal.com]

:) Yeah I suppose realising that there's tons I don't know is better than not having even noticed that! I just had a bit of an "aaaaaaaargh" this morning. Followed by a typical "I just can't do this!". It's all looking more in perspective now.