Parody Troyfic.
May. 26th, 2004 10:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aleathielDue to ‘popular demand’ I have written a fic called The Capture of Paris AKA The Rape of characterisation.
Starring: Brad the Bully as Arrogant Achilles
Orlanda Bloom as Paris-Sue and
The Incredible Eric as Heroic Hector.
What? If Homer could use epithets then so can I.
Summary: How would it play out if Paris had been taken captive instead of Briseis? Plus distraught, protective older brother Hector.
For![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
perseph2hades and stewardess_lotr in the hope that it might allow some laughter amongst their wails of anguish
Warning: extreme sarkiness and parody.
The sun was burning hot on the Trojan sands but inside the temple it was cool. Arrogant Achilles strode past his tired men to where one of his nameless men stood.
“Look what we found,” the man sneered, pushing a slender figure into Arrogant Achilles’ sight. Achilles gasped, he had never seen a creature more prefect or beautiful. He quickly recovered himself.
“It is booty. I told you this temple would yield treasure. Take him to my tent.”
The men laughed and did as Achilles bade them.
***
Paris-Sue’s hands were bound behind his back when Arrogant Achilles entered the tent. His wide chocolate eyes were defiant and fearful and he whimpered slightly without meaning to when Achilles knelt, touching his shoulder.
“Beautiful prince, you are mine.” And he closed them distance between them, pulling Paris-Sue into a ravenous kiss.
Paris-Sue strained against his captor, denying the arousal that was growing between his legs at his domination by this powerful warrior. When Arrogant Achilles pulled back, cupping Paris-Sue’s check gently, Paris-Sue spat angrily, “I shall never submit to you!!!!”
Achilles smirked. “Will you not?” he queried. “I think you shall.”
He ripped the beautiful prince’s clothes off him and gasped as the gleaming expanse of bronzed skin was revealed to him. Paris-Sue tried to wriggle out of his grasp, but Achilles pinned him down. “Well, princeling,” he sneered. “You have no brother to hide behind now.” And with that, he plunged his hard cock into Paris-Sue’s luscious body, moaning in ecstasy.
Paris-Sue screamed in pain, arching his back away from his captor, but to no avail. Achilles continued to pump his turgid flesh into his young lover. Before long he hit Paris-Sue’s prostate and the young Trojan gasped, his flaccid cock stirring once more as hatred turned to pleasure. “Oh,” he cried. “Let me go!” But his heart was not in his words as his traitorous body betrayed him, squirming with delight under Achilles’ sure touch.
Just as Paris-Sue feared he would come from the physical stimulation, and thus mortify himself with disgusted guilt, his eldest brother Heroic Hector burst through the wall of the tent, brandishing his slashing sword.
“Unhand my brother, you fiend!” he bellowed and Achilles withdrew from Paris-Sue to meet the onslaught. Paris-Sue scrambled backwards, pulling a blanket over him to cover his nakedness and stroking himself to completion at the sight of the lusty warriors battling.
At last Arrogant Achilles was caught off his guard for long enough for Heroic Hector to sweep Paris-Sue up into his arms and charge back across the plains to Troy.
***
“Did he harm you, dearest brother?” Heroic Hector asked tenderly, wiping the tears from Paris-Sue’s ivory cheeks.
Paris-Sue did not reply, only buried his face against Hector’s neck and tried to hold back his whimpers. Heroic Hector stroked his naked back, and kissed his shoulder soothingly.
Paris-Sue looked up through tear-filled eyes at the love shining down from his brother’s molten depths. Then, stealing himself for the greatest act of bravery he had ever committed, he pressed his lips to Heroic Hector’s, pulling him down into a passionate embrace.
“This is wrong,” Heroic Hector gasped as he speedily shed his clothes and climbed back onto Paris-Sue’s lithe body. “But why does it feel so right?”
“Because you are my True Love,” Paris-Sue replied, taking Hector’s cock inside him with no pain despite his rape earlier that day because Hector was so kind and gentle and loving.
And they would have lived happily ever after had Arrogant Achilles not killed Heroic Hector in his fury at being denied fulfilment.
Starring: Brad the Bully as Arrogant Achilles
Orlanda Bloom as Paris-Sue and
The Incredible Eric as Heroic Hector.
What? If Homer could use epithets then so can I.
Summary: How would it play out if Paris had been taken captive instead of Briseis? Plus distraught, protective older brother Hector.
For
perseph2hades and stewardess_lotr in the hope that it might allow some laughter amongst their wails of anguishWarning: extreme sarkiness and parody.
The sun was burning hot on the Trojan sands but inside the temple it was cool. Arrogant Achilles strode past his tired men to where one of his nameless men stood.
“Look what we found,” the man sneered, pushing a slender figure into Arrogant Achilles’ sight. Achilles gasped, he had never seen a creature more prefect or beautiful. He quickly recovered himself.
“It is booty. I told you this temple would yield treasure. Take him to my tent.”
The men laughed and did as Achilles bade them.
***
Paris-Sue’s hands were bound behind his back when Arrogant Achilles entered the tent. His wide chocolate eyes were defiant and fearful and he whimpered slightly without meaning to when Achilles knelt, touching his shoulder.
“Beautiful prince, you are mine.” And he closed them distance between them, pulling Paris-Sue into a ravenous kiss.
Paris-Sue strained against his captor, denying the arousal that was growing between his legs at his domination by this powerful warrior. When Arrogant Achilles pulled back, cupping Paris-Sue’s check gently, Paris-Sue spat angrily, “I shall never submit to you!!!!”
Achilles smirked. “Will you not?” he queried. “I think you shall.”
He ripped the beautiful prince’s clothes off him and gasped as the gleaming expanse of bronzed skin was revealed to him. Paris-Sue tried to wriggle out of his grasp, but Achilles pinned him down. “Well, princeling,” he sneered. “You have no brother to hide behind now.” And with that, he plunged his hard cock into Paris-Sue’s luscious body, moaning in ecstasy.
Paris-Sue screamed in pain, arching his back away from his captor, but to no avail. Achilles continued to pump his turgid flesh into his young lover. Before long he hit Paris-Sue’s prostate and the young Trojan gasped, his flaccid cock stirring once more as hatred turned to pleasure. “Oh,” he cried. “Let me go!” But his heart was not in his words as his traitorous body betrayed him, squirming with delight under Achilles’ sure touch.
Just as Paris-Sue feared he would come from the physical stimulation, and thus mortify himself with disgusted guilt, his eldest brother Heroic Hector burst through the wall of the tent, brandishing his slashing sword.
“Unhand my brother, you fiend!” he bellowed and Achilles withdrew from Paris-Sue to meet the onslaught. Paris-Sue scrambled backwards, pulling a blanket over him to cover his nakedness and stroking himself to completion at the sight of the lusty warriors battling.
At last Arrogant Achilles was caught off his guard for long enough for Heroic Hector to sweep Paris-Sue up into his arms and charge back across the plains to Troy.
***
“Did he harm you, dearest brother?” Heroic Hector asked tenderly, wiping the tears from Paris-Sue’s ivory cheeks.
Paris-Sue did not reply, only buried his face against Hector’s neck and tried to hold back his whimpers. Heroic Hector stroked his naked back, and kissed his shoulder soothingly.
Paris-Sue looked up through tear-filled eyes at the love shining down from his brother’s molten depths. Then, stealing himself for the greatest act of bravery he had ever committed, he pressed his lips to Heroic Hector’s, pulling him down into a passionate embrace.
“This is wrong,” Heroic Hector gasped as he speedily shed his clothes and climbed back onto Paris-Sue’s lithe body. “But why does it feel so right?”
“Because you are my True Love,” Paris-Sue replied, taking Hector’s cock inside him with no pain despite his rape earlier that day because Hector was so kind and gentle and loving.
And they would have lived happily ever after had Arrogant Achilles not killed Heroic Hector in his fury at being denied fulfilment.
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no subject
Date: 2004-05-26 01:39 pm (UTC)Do not do this. Do not ever apologize to me over something like this, like I own the character or something. *balks*
Plus, I'm at the tail end of The Complete Works of Horace, and so am especailly protective of satire right now. Heh.
I'm disturbed by the fact I'm not sure all the feedback I've had recognises that it's a parody.
Nevermind that it says it right there at the top.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-26 02:35 pm (UTC)Nevermind that it says it right there at the top.
Oh I know, that only makes it worse.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-26 02:52 pm (UTC)*smacks self* Sorry for overreacting. I think I'm sensitive over this whole turn in the fandom.
Of course I very much loved the way you had him lament and then immediately turn slut.
*suddenly gets clever idea!* I'm about to send you an email!
no subject
Date: 2004-05-26 02:54 pm (UTC)