Parody Troyfic.
May. 26th, 2004 10:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aleathielDue to ‘popular demand’ I have written a fic called The Capture of Paris AKA The Rape of characterisation.
Starring: Brad the Bully as Arrogant Achilles
Orlanda Bloom as Paris-Sue and
The Incredible Eric as Heroic Hector.
What? If Homer could use epithets then so can I.
Summary: How would it play out if Paris had been taken captive instead of Briseis? Plus distraught, protective older brother Hector.
For![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
perseph2hades and stewardess_lotr in the hope that it might allow some laughter amongst their wails of anguish
Warning: extreme sarkiness and parody.
The sun was burning hot on the Trojan sands but inside the temple it was cool. Arrogant Achilles strode past his tired men to where one of his nameless men stood.
“Look what we found,” the man sneered, pushing a slender figure into Arrogant Achilles’ sight. Achilles gasped, he had never seen a creature more prefect or beautiful. He quickly recovered himself.
“It is booty. I told you this temple would yield treasure. Take him to my tent.”
The men laughed and did as Achilles bade them.
***
Paris-Sue’s hands were bound behind his back when Arrogant Achilles entered the tent. His wide chocolate eyes were defiant and fearful and he whimpered slightly without meaning to when Achilles knelt, touching his shoulder.
“Beautiful prince, you are mine.” And he closed them distance between them, pulling Paris-Sue into a ravenous kiss.
Paris-Sue strained against his captor, denying the arousal that was growing between his legs at his domination by this powerful warrior. When Arrogant Achilles pulled back, cupping Paris-Sue’s check gently, Paris-Sue spat angrily, “I shall never submit to you!!!!”
Achilles smirked. “Will you not?” he queried. “I think you shall.”
He ripped the beautiful prince’s clothes off him and gasped as the gleaming expanse of bronzed skin was revealed to him. Paris-Sue tried to wriggle out of his grasp, but Achilles pinned him down. “Well, princeling,” he sneered. “You have no brother to hide behind now.” And with that, he plunged his hard cock into Paris-Sue’s luscious body, moaning in ecstasy.
Paris-Sue screamed in pain, arching his back away from his captor, but to no avail. Achilles continued to pump his turgid flesh into his young lover. Before long he hit Paris-Sue’s prostate and the young Trojan gasped, his flaccid cock stirring once more as hatred turned to pleasure. “Oh,” he cried. “Let me go!” But his heart was not in his words as his traitorous body betrayed him, squirming with delight under Achilles’ sure touch.
Just as Paris-Sue feared he would come from the physical stimulation, and thus mortify himself with disgusted guilt, his eldest brother Heroic Hector burst through the wall of the tent, brandishing his slashing sword.
“Unhand my brother, you fiend!” he bellowed and Achilles withdrew from Paris-Sue to meet the onslaught. Paris-Sue scrambled backwards, pulling a blanket over him to cover his nakedness and stroking himself to completion at the sight of the lusty warriors battling.
At last Arrogant Achilles was caught off his guard for long enough for Heroic Hector to sweep Paris-Sue up into his arms and charge back across the plains to Troy.
***
“Did he harm you, dearest brother?” Heroic Hector asked tenderly, wiping the tears from Paris-Sue’s ivory cheeks.
Paris-Sue did not reply, only buried his face against Hector’s neck and tried to hold back his whimpers. Heroic Hector stroked his naked back, and kissed his shoulder soothingly.
Paris-Sue looked up through tear-filled eyes at the love shining down from his brother’s molten depths. Then, stealing himself for the greatest act of bravery he had ever committed, he pressed his lips to Heroic Hector’s, pulling him down into a passionate embrace.
“This is wrong,” Heroic Hector gasped as he speedily shed his clothes and climbed back onto Paris-Sue’s lithe body. “But why does it feel so right?”
“Because you are my True Love,” Paris-Sue replied, taking Hector’s cock inside him with no pain despite his rape earlier that day because Hector was so kind and gentle and loving.
And they would have lived happily ever after had Arrogant Achilles not killed Heroic Hector in his fury at being denied fulfilment.
Starring: Brad the Bully as Arrogant Achilles
Orlanda Bloom as Paris-Sue and
The Incredible Eric as Heroic Hector.
What? If Homer could use epithets then so can I.
Summary: How would it play out if Paris had been taken captive instead of Briseis? Plus distraught, protective older brother Hector.
For
perseph2hades and stewardess_lotr in the hope that it might allow some laughter amongst their wails of anguishWarning: extreme sarkiness and parody.
The sun was burning hot on the Trojan sands but inside the temple it was cool. Arrogant Achilles strode past his tired men to where one of his nameless men stood.
“Look what we found,” the man sneered, pushing a slender figure into Arrogant Achilles’ sight. Achilles gasped, he had never seen a creature more prefect or beautiful. He quickly recovered himself.
“It is booty. I told you this temple would yield treasure. Take him to my tent.”
The men laughed and did as Achilles bade them.
***
Paris-Sue’s hands were bound behind his back when Arrogant Achilles entered the tent. His wide chocolate eyes were defiant and fearful and he whimpered slightly without meaning to when Achilles knelt, touching his shoulder.
“Beautiful prince, you are mine.” And he closed them distance between them, pulling Paris-Sue into a ravenous kiss.
Paris-Sue strained against his captor, denying the arousal that was growing between his legs at his domination by this powerful warrior. When Arrogant Achilles pulled back, cupping Paris-Sue’s check gently, Paris-Sue spat angrily, “I shall never submit to you!!!!”
Achilles smirked. “Will you not?” he queried. “I think you shall.”
He ripped the beautiful prince’s clothes off him and gasped as the gleaming expanse of bronzed skin was revealed to him. Paris-Sue tried to wriggle out of his grasp, but Achilles pinned him down. “Well, princeling,” he sneered. “You have no brother to hide behind now.” And with that, he plunged his hard cock into Paris-Sue’s luscious body, moaning in ecstasy.
Paris-Sue screamed in pain, arching his back away from his captor, but to no avail. Achilles continued to pump his turgid flesh into his young lover. Before long he hit Paris-Sue’s prostate and the young Trojan gasped, his flaccid cock stirring once more as hatred turned to pleasure. “Oh,” he cried. “Let me go!” But his heart was not in his words as his traitorous body betrayed him, squirming with delight under Achilles’ sure touch.
Just as Paris-Sue feared he would come from the physical stimulation, and thus mortify himself with disgusted guilt, his eldest brother Heroic Hector burst through the wall of the tent, brandishing his slashing sword.
“Unhand my brother, you fiend!” he bellowed and Achilles withdrew from Paris-Sue to meet the onslaught. Paris-Sue scrambled backwards, pulling a blanket over him to cover his nakedness and stroking himself to completion at the sight of the lusty warriors battling.
At last Arrogant Achilles was caught off his guard for long enough for Heroic Hector to sweep Paris-Sue up into his arms and charge back across the plains to Troy.
***
“Did he harm you, dearest brother?” Heroic Hector asked tenderly, wiping the tears from Paris-Sue’s ivory cheeks.
Paris-Sue did not reply, only buried his face against Hector’s neck and tried to hold back his whimpers. Heroic Hector stroked his naked back, and kissed his shoulder soothingly.
Paris-Sue looked up through tear-filled eyes at the love shining down from his brother’s molten depths. Then, stealing himself for the greatest act of bravery he had ever committed, he pressed his lips to Heroic Hector’s, pulling him down into a passionate embrace.
“This is wrong,” Heroic Hector gasped as he speedily shed his clothes and climbed back onto Paris-Sue’s lithe body. “But why does it feel so right?”
“Because you are my True Love,” Paris-Sue replied, taking Hector’s cock inside him with no pain despite his rape earlier that day because Hector was so kind and gentle and loving.
And they would have lived happily ever after had Arrogant Achilles not killed Heroic Hector in his fury at being denied fulfilment.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2004-05-26 02:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-26 02:43 am (UTC)I'm glad you 'enjoyed' it.
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Date: 2004-05-26 03:09 am (UTC)*howls*
The crazy thing is: this is exactly what some people want, and I think they'll love it!!!
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Date: 2004-05-26 05:34 am (UTC)Yes, I'm disturbed by the fact that I don't think everyone who's read it worked out it's a parody...
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Date: 2004-05-26 03:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-26 05:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-26 03:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-26 05:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-26 03:28 am (UTC)Strangely enough,most stories there are Achilles/Briseis and generally het.
And if you post The Capture of Paris in there,many authors/readers won't notice that it's a parody :s
Thanks for the good laugh.
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Date: 2004-05-26 05:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-26 03:42 am (UTC)P.s. i've added you as a friend too!:)
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Date: 2004-05-26 05:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-26 03:47 am (UTC)That was perfectly hysterical.
And they would have lived happily ever after had Arrogant Achilles not killed Heroic Hector in his fury at being denied fulfilment.
Hehe...
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Date: 2004-05-26 05:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-26 03:50 am (UTC)you rock.
because this is one of the best parodies/satire pieces i have seen in fanfiction.
reminded me a lot of tom stoppard and his inventiveness to make fun of the superfluous.
awesome.
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Date: 2004-05-26 05:37 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2004-05-26 04:52 am (UTC)Brilliant, btw.
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Date: 2004-05-26 05:38 am (UTC)Your icon is perfect.
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Date: 2004-05-26 05:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-26 05:38 am (UTC)LOVE your icon.
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Date: 2004-05-26 06:15 am (UTC)I truly hate it when authors include rape in their stories, but don´t seem to have really understood what rape actually means. OF COURSE the person who is raped feels lust throughout the act, OF COURSE everything is fluffy in the end. I mean, what the hell!
Sorry for that outburst, but this was on my mind for quite some time now.
Great fic, really made me laugh :)
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Date: 2004-05-26 06:39 am (UTC)Glad it made you laugh!
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Date: 2004-05-26 06:55 am (UTC)Heroic Hector burst through the wall of the tent, brandishing his slashing sword.
Bwuahahahahahahaha!!!
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Date: 2004-05-26 07:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-26 07:24 am (UTC)The insistent sneering, the whimpering, the ripping of the clothes, the “Will you not?” he queried. “I think you shall”, the ivory cheeks, and then THIS:
“This is wrong,” Heroic Hector gasped as he speedily shed his clothes and climbed back onto Paris-Sue’s lithe body. “But why does it feel so right?”
“Because you are my True Love,” Paris-Sue replied
*falls out of chair laughing and hurts something*
Brilliant phrasing, cadence, length, everything.
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Date: 2004-05-26 07:34 am (UTC)I apologise profusely for the slight teasing of your Hector characterisation in that he maintains their relationship is wrong while at the same time he speedily shed his clothes and climbed back onto Paris-Sue’s lithe body. But obviously, as Paris-Sue says, it's True Love so who are we to stand in their way?
I'm disturbed by the fact I'm not sure all the feedback I've had recognises that it's a parody.
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Date: 2004-05-26 09:18 am (UTC)“Unhand my brother, you fiend!” he bellowed and Achilles withdrew from Paris-Sue to meet the onslaught. Paris-Sue scrambled backwards, pulling a blanket over him to cover his nakedness and stroking himself to completion at the sight of the lusty warriors battling.
*dies*
And the thing about 'chocolate eyes'; yeah, i'm with you..... I didn't mind it in the first 200 fics I read, but now it's a little annoying.
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Date: 2004-05-26 02:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-26 09:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-26 09:48 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2004-05-26 09:37 am (UTC)*burst out laughing*
OMG! This was priceless...Arrogant Achilles *CACKLES*
Oh...I shouldn't be here...I am NOT reading BanaBloom...oh no...*runs off and hopes nobody saw her*
;D
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Date: 2004-05-27 04:55 am (UTC)(no subject)
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From:*snerk*
Date: 2004-05-26 09:40 am (UTC)But this was my fave:
Paris-Sue scrambled backwards, pulling a blanket over him to cover his nakedness and stroking himself to completion at the sight of the lusty warriors battling.
Ah yes, it's mandatory in bad slash that, no matter what else is going on in the room, you absolutely HAVE to reach completion. The brain can only concentration on either masturbation or helping your brother. LOL
This was great! :D
Re: *snerk*
Date: 2004-05-27 04:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-26 10:31 am (UTC)Best epithets ever.
Oh fanon, how I do I love thee.
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Date: 2004-05-27 04:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-26 10:43 am (UTC)Snort. God, I usually stay away from parody fics because the images fuck up my brain, but when I read that you were planning this, I couldn't resist.
Fucking hilarious, man. I am SO reccing this.
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Date: 2004-05-27 04:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-26 10:51 am (UTC)This is SO getting recced.
You know, I usually stay away from parody fics because the images fuck with my brain, but when I read that you were writing this, I couldn't resist.
Just hilarious, and very well deserved for many Orlando-centric fandoms. Poor boy.
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Date: 2004-05-26 11:18 am (UTC)*dies*
Hilarious, I love it.
...Was there an inspiration for this? Do I even want to know?
*chortles*
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Date: 2004-05-27 08:57 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2004-05-26 11:20 am (UTC)turgid flesh *chuckles some more* “Unhand my brother, you fiend!” Dudley Dooright to the rescue! Paris-Sue looked up through tear-filled eyes at the love shining down from his brother’s molten depths. My Hero!
Is it wrong to parody a parody? ;)
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Date: 2004-05-27 08:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-26 12:33 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2004-05-26 03:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-27 09:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-26 03:36 pm (UTC)Brilliantly repulsive.
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Date: 2004-05-27 09:00 am (UTC)