Personal hates in a fic

[aleathiel]

These are not aimed at anyone in particular, so don't take offence! They are just a list of things I come across in fics and whichmake me shudder.

Feel free to comment and add to the list.

1) "manhood". Ugh.

2) "chocolate" as a description of Orlando. His curls, his eyes, even his skin. Particular hate: "chocolate orbs". I think overuse is to blame for this dislike - maybe once it was okay. Now it's just cliche. Please think of something original.

3) Anyone tasting/smelling of something unrealistic. Yeah, Orlando would taste of chocolate (look, there it is again!) if he had just been eating it, but he could equally taste of tomato sauce, or curry, or beer. And nobody mentions that. Of course there is the overwhelming likelyhood that he actually tastes that dull-nothing-particular taste of human saliva. Scent: probably shampoo if he washed recently. Even more likely would be smoke.

/rant

Comments

[lennongirl.livejournal.com]

Mmmmhhhh....smoke....

Orlando being called Lando gives me the shivers. Esp if Viggo calls him that. No special reason, I just can't stand it.
*shudders*

[aleathiel.livejournal.com]

Huh, I don't think I've seen that one much. But I can see why it would be annoying, besides there's no evidence for it at all.

[twjudy.livejournal.com]

I dunno… I personally think “hobbithood” is worse.

My squick? “wet muscle” when describing a tongue. *convulsive full body shudder* I don’t care if it’s an accurate description, it’s just NOT SEXY! And reminds me of high school biology class lectures about clams. Also. Not. Sexy.

[lennongirl.livejournal.com]

Thank godness it's not to be read too often!
It's just scary.
I have a slightly biased relationship to 'Orli', as well. It's sweet and okay to read it, but I use it only rarely while writing, dunno why.
*shrugs*

[undrockroll.livejournal.com]

calling a cock an "organ" :(
it just... no
the guys acting like swallowing is the most wonderful thing that could ever possibly happen to them, especially when it is their first time. it is IN NO WAY A "SWEET FLUID"
ah. man sex without "strecthing" first. because. ouch!
and how's abooout...
aherher, um.
I'll think on it, this is one of my favorite topics

[aleathiel.livejournal.com]

I'm with you entirely on "Orli" too. I only ever use it in dialogue. In fact I debated putting it on the list, but decided against it because reading it doesn't always bother me that much - I just don't use it myself.

[aleathiel.livejournal.com]

or "elfhood"

And yeah, accurate but not sexy!

[aleathiel.livejournal.com]

calling a cock an "organ"
Yeah, especially if it's "engorged" or "turgid".

Ditto the swallowing thing although it can occasionally be done well. Mostly it just seems to be forgotten about - and then they start kissing again...

man sex without "strecthing" first
I rarely see that. I'm obviously reading the right stuff!

[lennongirl.livejournal.com]

Same over here. I like to read it, but I just don't use it. Orlando's such a nice name as it is.
I love 'Vig', though:p
maybe because it sounds a bit like 'fick', the German word for 'fuck'
ahem.

[lennongirl.livejournal.com]

Mostly it just seems to be forgotten about - and then they start kissing again...

YAY FOR SOME KINKY SNOWBALLING!
*dies*

[aleathiel.livejournal.com]

Well, yeah, fine if it's meant to be like that. But all to often it's just totally ignored.

[aleathiel.livejournal.com]

I like "Vig", although again I only use it in dialogue.

[lennongirl.livejournal.com]

Yeah, me too.

[lennongirl.livejournal.com]

Hm, yes.
*sighs*
I'm in need of some good snowballing Viggorli. There's too few;)

[syndarys.livejournal.com]

Guys professing their undying love to one another, or, god help me, soulmates... *gags* it's so unrealistic, and irritating.

Guys acting really feminine. It's okay in like, andro fics, or glam!fics, but realistically? I read slash because I like reading about guys - not girls.

"Cum"... enough said.

The things people use for lube. Oh my god, you wouldnt believe the things I've read about people using as lube. I've seen massage oil (which would BURN), sun tan lotion (surely that cant be... good for you?), jam (sticky, wtf?), honey (ditto!), come (which is sticky and dries too fast, not a good lubricant!!), shampoo (surely that would sting?!), Baileys and other alcoholic substances (I must admit, I'm quite intriegued by that one though), hair gel (WTF? NO!! That wouldnt work!!) and various others that I seem to have blocked from my memory.

And there's probably others, but those are the ones that immediately sprang into my mind...

[aleathiel.livejournal.com]

Okay, I'll remember that! :P

[aleathiel.livejournal.com]

Guys professing their undying love to one another
especially after having met three days beforehand.

Guys acting really feminine
with the exception of the above I've not seen too much of that, which is good!

"Cum"... enough said
Fuck yeah, that should have been on my list!

The things people use for lube
Ah but some of them have pure entertainment value!

[undrockroll.livejournal.com]

AHAHA you commandeered my reply thread! *shakes fist*
whoOoo snowballing viggorli... I believe we put some in SITG, but I don't remember. Yeah, we probably did. Fo' sure.
okay, more pet peeeeves...
I have so many grammatical pet peeves, but some of them might be too nasty and knitpicky. Hmm.

[lennongirl.livejournal.com]

Oooohhhhhhhh.....
*bows already*

[lennongirl.livejournal.com]

I thought it was somewhat snowballing-related and had to. I'd interefered even faster had it been about rimming, *lol*

[undrockroll.livejournal.com]

*gah*
you go girl

[lennongirl.livejournal.com]

Your icon distracts me. I know it's milk, but all the talking about swallowing and snowballing just...never mind.

[undrockroll.livejournal.com]

HONEY, HE NOT ONLY BEATS HIS OPPONENTS... HE CREAMS THEM

he slashes himself, I swear to fucking allah

rim snowball swallow repeat
rim snowball swallow repeat
rim snowball swallow repeat

[lennongirl.livejournal.com]

rim snowball swallow repeat
rim snowball swallow repeat
rim snowball swallow repeat

Oh God.
Ask around and you'll hear that it takes a lot to really get me...and you're almost there.
Slashing himself? GUH.

rim snowball swallow repeat
rim snowball swallow repeat
rim snowball swallow repeat

I'll make that my new mantra. (But I may add some post coital rimming, just for the sake of it)
*dies*

[undrockroll.livejournal.com]

rim blow snowball swallow ram rim repeat
rim blow snowball swallow ram rim repeat
rim blow snowball swallow ram rim repeat




sorry to aleathiel for turning this all so lewd :( Lol *hugs*

[lennongirl.livejournal.com]

sorry to aleathiel for turning this all so lewd

I was about to say the same! Sorry, sweetie. But it's just all this kinky talk...I can't resist:(

[deathskiss.livejournal.com]

I would agree with most of the things listed, and I would like to add that I don't care for it when an anus is referred to as 'fuckhole'. I don't know why; asshole, opening, entrance are all fine.

[aleathiel.livejournal.com]

Hehe no problem. I'm just amused by the pair of you!

[aleathiel.livejournal.com]

:) I don't mind in the slightest.

[aleathiel.livejournal.com]

*shudder* I don't think I've ever read that. I hope I never do.

[perseph2hades.livejournal.com]

I understand that suntan lotion is actually okay. stewardess_lotr knows all about that stuff and used it in one of her stories.

[nitw1t.livejournal.com]

massage oil doesn't burn ;)