We have talked about conjunctions. I'm especially bad at starting sentences with "and". I tried not to do that here! Will deal with the "but" problem (*snickers*) I do know you can't have two buts like that. I just didn't give the fic that level of attention *is ashamed* Do you think that if I just lost the second one, made it: "More, more would be good", it would be okay? Or does it need more change than that?
I can't help the run on sentences! I'm glad they aren't too unbalanced, but I will take not and try and work on this. The problem I have is that it's a stylistic thing I've fallen into, I don't just do it in porn. But keep pointing it out to me! I will keep trying to beat it back.
LOL! I was not aware I had a signature porn phrase, but you might be right. I was slightly worried about the amount of precome in this fic, too.
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Date: 2009-04-25 10:21 am (UTC)We have talked about conjunctions. I'm especially bad at starting sentences with "and". I tried not to do that here! Will deal with the "but" problem (*snickers*) I do know you can't have two buts like that. I just didn't give the fic that level of attention *is ashamed* Do you think that if I just lost the second one, made it: "More, more would be good", it would be okay? Or does it need more change than that?
I can't help the run on sentences! I'm glad they aren't too unbalanced, but I will take not and try and work on this. The problem I have is that it's a stylistic thing I've fallen into, I don't just do it in porn. But keep pointing it out to me! I will keep trying to beat it back.
LOL! I was not aware I had a signature porn phrase, but you might be right. I was slightly worried about the amount of precome in this fic, too.
:D